A Mom Says It’s ‘Evil’ Her Adult Children Won’t Agree to Care for Their Disabled Brother & Reddit Is Thoroughly Freaked Out - SheKnows

A Mom Says It’s ‘Evil’ Her Adult Children Won’t Agree to Care for Their Disabled Brother & Reddit Is Thoroughly Freaked Out - SheKnows

A Mom Says It’s ‘Evil’ Her Adult Children Won’t Agree to Care for Their Disabled Brother & Reddit Is Thoroughly Freaked Out - SheKnows
Aug 17, 2022 1 min, 58 secs

It goes without saying that it’s every parent’s goal to make sure their children will, when the time comes, be able to handle life without them — and, in families with multiple siblings, it often comes with the hope that they also care for one another (along with any other responsibilities they have).

Introducing her three children, two who are newly adults at 18 and 20 (Jen and Jay, who are neurotypical) and Jack, a 11-year-old who has both ADHD and is on the autism spectrum, the original poster said that she got into an argument with her older children after they sat her down to express issues with the assumption they would eventually inherit full-time care of their brother who, according to the OP, will never be able to live entirely independently.

“We’ve made sure that both of our neurotypical kids know that one day they are going to need to start taking care of Jack when the time comes when I and their dad cannot,” the poster wrote.

I’ve put it down to being young and having his life ahead of him but the year he went to college he made it very clear to me that he will not be taking care of Jake in any way and since then I’ve been arguing about it with him.”.

“He said, very rudely, that neither of them will ever be taking care of Jake.

I’m not telling them to put their lives on hold and be his caretaker, only that when the time comes that we can’t take care of him they will need to.”.

The consensus: The older siblings aren’t — by nature of existing in the same family — their brother’s keepers.

Another noted that defaulting to her other children as the long-term care solution, rather than trying to fully consider what will be best for all parties, feels deeply unfair to everyone: “… your adult children are not your long term care solution.

Others noted that there are so many ways to more openly and less aggressively involve her adult children in family care decisions without forcing roles on them that might be detrimental to everyone’s well-being and further relationships.

“Expecting Jack’s siblings to take over his care is extremely unreasonable, and I doubt Jack himself would want to constrain them

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