Ask Amy: Friend favors exclusive group over friendships - The Washington Post

Dear Amy: After over 30 years of friendship, my dear friend is now shunning me.

I think she's ended her nonreligious connections to old friends altogether, to "go to the next level" in the organization.

The group advocates self-denial and encourages supernumeraries to recruit new members among receptive friends.

A year ago, my friend began closing herself off from other unaffiliated friends, but we talked daily, and she still initiated frequent contact.

I think I was a good friend, a loyal confidant, and positive counsel.

But this group is cultlike in its devotees' self-isolation and distancing from friends and family.

I think her religious counselors finally told her to curtail our friendship, because I'm not a receptive candidate for recruitment.

As much as this withdrawal hurts, I don’t think you should necessarily assign this reason, although the fact that you don’t, won’t, and can’t belong means that your friendship is ending, because your friend has turned toward something, and she has been taught to believe that her choice necessitates that she turn away from you.

Any group requiring absolute exclusivity is not a group I’d ever want to be a part of, but this is not up to me, or you.

Unfortunately, you don’t seem to have a choice but to let the friendship go.

Her choice is not an indictment of you or your qualities as a friend; as hard as this is, you should not take this as a personal rejection.