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Carolyn Hax: Taking a hint and running wild with it - The Washington Post

Carolyn Hax: Taking a hint and running wild with it - The Washington Post

Carolyn Hax: Taking a hint and running wild with it - The Washington Post
Mar 01, 2021 55 secs

I have a not-terribly-close relationship with an older relative that is ending because she kept dropping hints that her adult children need or want money and I didn't take the hints.

Or was it right to just not take the hints?

— Not Picking Up Hints.

Not Picking Up Hints: Wut?

Okay, how’s this: Since none of this actually happened — her asking you for money, your saying no to that, her expressing anger at you, your expressing offense at being treated as a bank and/or frustration at being expected to communicate through hints, nothing concrete anywhere to be found — why don’t you just proceed as if none of it actually happened.

Assuming you ever get this far with her again, then you can just deal with any new hints from her however is easiest for you: Either decide upfront to ignore them all unless and until she expresses her wishes directly, or name them as follows: “Do I understand you correctly, you’re asking me for X?”.

I texted her a few days before to just make sure we were all set.

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