The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Dumpling Ground - Vulture

They talked in code by saying things like, “You know what I mean,” “I was talking to you-know-who,” “They did this and that,” and other vague statements, because apparently talking to other rich women is like being in a very funny and very weird mob.

They cheered her, like she was coming back from a trip abroad or a very delicate vajazzling procedure, which doesn’t seem like the kind of reception that a woman who just filed for a surprise divorce would be looking for.

But these women are not me, because if this was my friend, as soon as she sat down I would have been like, “Girl, let’s hear about this damn divorce.” But they all pussyfoot (which is also my stripper name) around Erika’s divorce until they can sit down for a formal lunch and get into it.

This doesn’t sound like someone who — as some have speculated — got a divorce just to avoid legal proceedings.

I don’t think that Tom was physically abusive, but it seems clear that Erika is scared of him, scared of what he might do to her now that she’s pursuing a divorce.

Fucking go.” She’s also scared about what the divorce is going to be like, going up against a man with a lot of legal prowess and, it seems, a mean streak as wide as the skull-printed poncho Sutton wears to her mammogram.

Maybe, and most likely, it’s all of those things.

It seems like Erika knows that another shoe is about to drop, and she knows a thing or two about footwear.

She says she didn’t tell the women because she didn’t want them to have any information that they would have to hold.

Maybe it’s the dramatic irony of the situation, that we know how it’s going to end as it’s playing out, but Erika seems to be hinting that more is happening.

“There is so much these women don’t know,” she says at the end of the episode.

When Garcelle says that Erika should see her dating coach, Erika says she’s taking 90 days off and then she is just going to have a bunch of anonymous sex.

Damona asks for all of the things Garcelle wants in a partner, and she lists the obvious — kind, loving, loyal, sexy — and then she drops a bomb: “not too big.” She doesn’t mean in frame, she means in the penis, telling us that “there is such a thing as too big of a diamond.” Um, she is going to say this during Pride month?

Anyway, back at the party, Kyle tells Erika that she is a “new, lighter Erika.” Um, she’s not new or lighter, she’s just fucking stoned off her tits.

While most of us were focused on Erika and she was focused on the wall that kept changing colors and looking like it was breathing, other things did happen on the show.

Sutton goes for a mammogram and yells and screams the whole time like a wiffle ball bat with too many holes in it.

Sutton and Crystal sit down and talk about how they’re both over when Sutton barged in on Crystal in Lake Taco, and Sutton is like, “But you didn’t keep your promise [not talk about it].” Crystal says the other women keep bringing it up.

“But if it’s really over, you need to stop talking about it,” Sutton says to the group, even though Crystal already explained what happened.

She’s not going to bring this up in their tete-a-tete, she’s going to take this to the group?

It’s like she lulled Crystal into a false sense of trust and betrayed her.

Who also brings up that she’s not “manic” or “crazy” like Crystal said, when all Crystal had seen of her was the insanity?

As they were going at it, their petty squabbles and the silly fight that Sutton is keeping alive like it’s Weekend at Bernie’s, all I could think about was Erika.