The Real Housewives of New York City Season-Premiere Recap: Grey Garden Party - Vulture

The 13th season premiere of The Real Housewives of New York City (shouldn’t we have skipped that unlucky number and gone right to 14 like a midtown-Manhattan high-rise Hilton?) handles the coronavirus in an almost oblique way.

Then we see October 2020, when it’s just still, all the bustle is gone, and everyone is wearing masks that say “Resting Bitch Face” on them and trying to pretend they didn’t just experience a collective trauma.

As we’re checking in with all the women, we see Ramona in her kitchen with her ex-husband, Mario, a plate of fries someone is eating curbside that you just want to reach out and grab one from as you walk by.

The big story for Ramona and Luann is that they now live around the corner from each other on the UES since the countess has given up her “cabin” in Kingston and probably made a killing on it when die-hard New Yorkers fell all over themselves in the great land rush upstate.

It’s just blinking there, right out of reach, offering Luann the life she had wanted so badly, and had for a brief shining moment, only for it to be wrenched away by Bethenny’s water-glass-shuddering paroxysms when she told her, “It’s about Tom.”.

Next, we see Leah going to her boxing trainer, Martin, whom the producers are definitely trying to make a thing.

Ramona and Luann are concerned about Sonja because they haven’t talked to her in months, and they say when she retreats like that, something is psychologically the matter?

It’s sort of like putting your hand on the stove and knowing if the burner is on medium or high.

Then she says her interns learn invaluable skills, like how to prepare a bath, how to do laundry, and how to load a dishwasher.

Sonja has all the girls over, including the new girl, Eboni, for a little party in her garden, which seems as safe and lovely a COVID-friendly destination as you’re going to find.

The first was when Sonja’s trying to get the garden party-ready and can’t greet her guests because she has a very specific way of power-washing the stones in her backyard, and Eboni says to Leah, “Is she for real?” Sometimes you just need some new blood to see how much we take the bonkers-making behavior of our favorite ladies for granted.

What’s really great is when Luann invites Eboni and the rest of the ladies to her house in Sag Harbor and Eboni tells them it was one of the first communities on Long Island to allow Black people to own property.

A better depiction of what’s going on in America right now is what happens when Sonja shows off the fish in her fountain for Eboni.

She shows her that she has black fish and white fish, she has all kinds of fish, and Eboni hilariously adds, “And there are black-and-white fish for biracial, and you have some larger fish for body positivity.” It’s sweet because Sonja’s trying to show Eboni that she wants to include her and welcome her into the fold, which she does by being more cringey than your mom singing along to Lisa Loeb’s “Stay” at full volume as she spills Dunkin’ down the front of her pajamas while dropping you off at school.