'Happiest Season's Riley & Abby Are The True Soulmates Of The Film - Bustle

(Is this what it’s like to be 14, frisky, closeted, and photoshop a batch of photos of Draco Malfoy railing Harry Potter?) I’m ready to risk it all, and by “risk it all” I mean write a 600-page fanfic manifesto about Riley and Abby — Rabby — Abley, the true soulmates of Hulu’s new lesbian Christmas movie, Happiest Season.

Happiest Season begins when Harper (Mackenzie Davis) invites her live-in girlfriend Abby (Kristen Stewart), who she has been dating for over a year, home for the holidays to meet her family.

In Harper’s absence, Abby starts hanging out with local hot gay Riley (Aubrey Plaza), who reveals that Harper didn’t share the whole story about their relationship: Yes, Harper and Riley secretly (per Harper’s request) dated in high school, but when someone found out, Harper threw Riley to the wolves and said Riley was a lesbian who wouldn’t leave her alone, transitively ruining her life.

They watch a drag performance and Riley helps Abby sing when the queens put her on the spot and embarrass her.

My heart basically punched through my ribcage like an iron fist and screamed, “KISS SOFTLY!!!” But then Harper texts Abby, and Abby meets up with her and her high school friends (and ex-boyfriend) at a straight bar — you know, those places where a man who you want to light on fire forces you to take a shot for no reason other than to oppress you — and I cringed.

I think we need a sequel starring Aubrey Plaza, in all her sexual lesbian power, going home for Hanukkah and just treating a girl so f*cking right, dude.

It’d be so much sexier and more satisfying than Abby and Harper getting en — sorry I just gagged.