‘The Bachelorette’ Recap: Season Finale, Rachel, Tino, Gabby, Erich - TVLine

The (three-hour!) finale starts out on an oddly solemn note, with host Jesse Palmer breaking the silence to say he hoped for two happy endings for Gabby and Rachel, but “things haven’t turned out that way.” Uh-oh.

Rachel, meanwhile, goes to see how Tino is doing after her breakup with Aven, and he says he’s “amazing, without a doubt, per usual.” OK, this guy is way more confident than any human should ever be, but Rachel rushes right past that and tells him he’s the only guy left, and they share a flurry of happy kisses.

Rachel even says about Tino: “If it’s not him, I do not know who it could be.” Yeah, we’re being set up for serious heartbreak here, folks.

We’re about as happy as Rachel looks right now watching this.

On the live show, Rachel explains what happened next: “It was really great for a while” between her and Tino, but they “went through a difficult time” around the time the show premiered!

He cheated on me.” We cut to Rachel being consoled by Gabby, who advises her to “kick him in the [bleep]ing balls.” (Now that’s a friend!) Rachel also says Tino told her “I regret telling you,” which is… not great.

(We just want to say we never trusted Tino from the start, and we’re feeling very smug right now.).

After some uncomfortable recapping with Jesse, where Rachel decisively says she does not still love Tino (and her dad Tony looks about ready to punch Tino in the face), they bring out Tino for the post-breakup ritual — and he actually gets booed!

When he brings up again how he thought they were broken up, she gets angry, asking, “Do you want to get into that?” She hints at personal things that were edited out of their earlier confrontation (hmmm) and makes it very clear: “We were never on a break.” (Where is Ross Geller when we need him?) Tino is gasping for air here, and the live audience is about ready to throttle him by the time Jesse mercifully cuts it off?

He walks out to rapturous applause, with Tino glaring nearby, and offered his sympathies to Rachel, asking her if she wants to “get out of here and catch up.” She happily says yes, and they walk off together, leaving Jesse awkwardly standing there with Tino!

Erich knows she needs someone who’s completely there for her, and “I want to be that person for you.” And he takes the plunge, asking her to marry him — and she says yes.

Back on the live show, he does tell us that “not everything has been rosy” since that proposal… and we’re just bracing ourselves at this point!

Erich does share a warm kiss with Gabby when he joins the live show, though, so it all seems lovey-dovey?

But Jesse does pry a bit into the troubles they’ve had, grilling Erich about an ex-girlfriend of his who claims he only broke up with her to go on the show and “get a career opportunity.” Jesse even puts their text messages up on the big screen (!), with Erich telling the girl the show “isn’t real.” But that was before he went on the show, Erich points out, and he didn’t think he’d meet someone like Gabby.

But she seems to accept his explanation, and the crowd is behind them — and hey, we need a happy ending, dammit!