Bald by Stuart Heritage review – hair today, gone tomorrow

Men who resort to comb-overs resist the cold clippers of acceptance because any hair can feel better than none, “even if what they’ve got looks like five long strands draped across their head like spaghetti on a beach ball”.

Heritage gives sensitivity scores to things people say to balding men – I’ll never hear ‘you have a nice-shaped head’ the same way again Just as Heritage’s earlier book about his relationship with his brother, Don’t Be a Dick, Pete, was as much about modern masculinity as fraternal love, so Bald manages brilliantly to unpack male vanity and insecurity.

It’s a book I couldn’t have written: I feel blessed never to have really cared about losing my hair in my 20s, although on reflection (and having just scrolled through my phone’s “selfie” reel) it took me way too long to reach for the clippers.

And there’s a poignant conversation with Fiona, a friend whose experience of hair loss following treatment for a brain tumour helps snap Heritage out of the depression stage.

Online, he points out, searches for help tend to lead to content created by a hair-loss treatment industry that survives by making people feel bad about themselves.

Let’s just say the guy on the other end of the Zoom call says something that lights up Heritage’s eyes like those of a Sunday league player told by Lionel Messi that he has a great first touch.